I realize I've yammered on for quite awhile about my take on social and political happenings, so I'll return to my roots here and give a family update.
Bryony and I are in the final countdown till the big move down to Texas. I'm dealing with the idea of packing, saying good-bye to my life of the last eight years, and moving to a new town...by not giving it much thought at all. Yes, I am in total avoidance mode right now. Instead, I've been spending our days visiting friends and enjoying the nooks and crannies of this town that I've only recently discovered and taken advantage of. I'm just trying to enjoy the final weeks that we have here; packing will come soon enough.
I applied for a job with the Fish and Wildlife Service here in town; although I have no fantasies of actually getting this job, considering how competetive the market is these days, I figured it was still worth trying for. After all, we have a house and infrastructure here, so it makes sense. Of course, staying here for a job means not being with Adam, which is exactly the opposite plan of action that we've been shooting for. Tough choices.
Bryony is doing really well...11 months (I canNOT believe it!) and coming up on the big 0-1 in less than a month. Funny how many baby parties we've been invited to by little ones also hitting that first birthday milestone; we're heading to two this week alone. I have been reflecting a lot about the little girl I've come to know over the last eleven months as my daughter, my little-life-changing-event, my headache, my bliss, my everything...she has changed so much, especially lately. Her most recent progressions include walking (supported), dancing, pointing (including touching her index finger to yours, a la "E.T."), shaking her head "No!" when she knows she's doing something she shouldn't, and relay nursing (climbing all over me to alternate between breasts as she gets antsy). She is SO much fun. We have been doing lots of things together--Monday evenings we volunteer at our local greenhouse with another woman and her baby boy (we're called the Monday Evening Mamas); Wednesday mornings we volunteer at the local neighborhood center for the Senior Coffee discussion; Thursday mornings we got to the local library, which hosts a baby story hour led by a really enthusiastic and caring woman who is fantastic with the kids. Our week is full of many fun things that we'll miss when we leave our little city!
Adam is doing really well, although a bit work-weary. He works long, long hours but enjoys the cases he tries. I'm so happy for him that he is finally in a position that he loves. The only thing that would make his life better is having his baby girl there to come home to every night (and I guess having his wife there wouldn't hurt, either). He'll be coming back here at the end of the month for Bryony's birthday and also to move us back to the life he has created for us in Texas. Despite my sadness in leaving Michigan, I am SOOOOO extremely happy and excited to finally be with Adam again. It's about time.
Which brings me to my final thought. Last week, as I was cleaning up the house after hosting my knitting group for the final time, I had a sobering and unsettling thought--I am extremely comfortable here, in this life that Bryony and I have, sans Adam. We have our routine, our activities, our friends. Not to say that I don't miss him, but I truthfully don't feel the aching, painful sting of separation that I did when we first separated. I have adapted and overcome and moved on. And that's not good. I realized that it is definitely time to be with my husband again, before I get too "used to" being without him. I called him right away to tell him what I'd been thinking. He responded, "Well, I know you see that as a negative, and I appreciate it. But I actually think it's great that you are doing all right on your own. Imagine how it would make me feel if I were here doing my thing and I knew that you were miserable out there? It's good that you're doing okay."
I have got a great husband. And I cannot WAIT to see him.
2 comments:
I love this post.
You know about all the fun I've been having lately with "Mr. Cute". The newness and excitement, the thrill of maybe falling in love again. I've enjoyed every minute.
That said, when I read this post and think about what you have with Adam, it makes me think about how one day, I hope I meet MY Adam too.
Zoe
Thanks for this. While it's not always easy to keep a long-term relationship "fresh" we do try. Being apart for long periods of time certainly does help, as we are so happy to see each other once we're together again that we're like newlyweds.
I know you'll find what and who you're looking for, my friend.
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