Bryony

I was on the phone with Adam last night as he made his way closer to Texas, and I casually glanced at my watch--12:10 am. The exact time Bryony was lifted from my body; the moment I became someone's mother and my entire world changed. Waking up this morning, I glanced down at my baby girl who was sleeping quietly next to me and then looked at the clock--7:00am. The time I woke up in my hospital bed and found my newborn daughter in the crib next to me. I remember I reached over to lift her out so I could hold her and nurse her...just the two of us, alone, bonding for the first time.

All day today I've been stealing glances at the clock, trying to remember what I was doing at that exact time a year ago--calling family? Absorbing my new reality? Bonding as a family with Adam and Bryony?

I have also been trying to recall the many moments--large and momentous as well as small and passing--that have shaped this last year. Bryony's first sleep smile, which I noticed while she was sleeping in her bouncy chair in the living room the first couple weeks she was home. The way that she would squish her face whenever I'd lightly blow in it. The adorable way she'd yawn and the way her hands--palms out--would cover her eyes melodramatically, as if she was a southern belle who "had the vapors!". The first time I saw her turn over, or crawl, or stand up on her own. The first time--in Oregon--she waved. When she learned her first sign in Sign Language--"cat"--because of her deep fondness and affection for Greg House. Her first time clapping. How she shakes her head "no" whenever I tell her not to do something. The way she pointed at Adam and said, "Da-da" as soon as he slid next to her in the car this past weekend. And those massive, bouncy curls...oh, those curls...

This post today is more for me than anything. There are so many moments that I can already feel starting to slip away. I wish I had been better about journaling my thoughts and her progress on a daily or even weekly basis. Thank goodness we have taken so many pictures; what I lack in text we make up for in imagery.

I have no more words for the way I feel about the year that has gone by, other than the fact that it has passed much, much too quickly but that I am so very grateful for every single moment of it. I hope I have lived up to my responsibility to this beautiful child.

Bryony, how I do love thee. --Mama