Say Anything...

My blood is boiling. I mean, really, my skin is tingling, my stomach is flip-flopping, and my blood is turning into mercury-like balls of anger, racing through my arteries and veins at breakneck speed.

I've come to the realization that we now live in a world where anything goes. Say anything, do anything...and there are no consequences, no repurcussions (not even a hot young John Cusack holding a boom box beneath my window). Sure, accuse our president who's trying to provide health insurance to all Americans of being Adolf Hitler; universal health care is certainly akin to masterminding the Final Solution that left over 6 million Jews dead. Spread rumors that he's using underhanded tactics by encouraging kids to get good grades and stay in school; hmmmm...God forbid we actually have a well-educated and academically competitive generation of kids moving into adulthood; sounds totally socialist to me. People really can (and do) say anything these days.

So I guess I shouldn't have been surprised by my recent visit to Motherhood Maternity this week. Adam and I took Bryony to an outlet mall in the Michigan thumb to do some walking and windowshopping on one of these last gorgeous summer days, and toward the end of our trip, we happened upon this store. Early in my pregnancy, I went to the Motherhood Maternity near my house to pick up some much-needed anti-nausea candy drops. What should have been a simple trip turned into a high-pressure situation, as overzealous saleswomen tried to convince me to make unnecessary purchases, not to mention open a trust fund for my as-of-then unborn child. It was overwhelming and distasteful; I almost left the store without buying the item I had actually come for. But...everyone (and every store chain) deserves a second chance, right?

Well, observe second chance:

Salesgirl: Ooooo, a baby! Let me see the baby!

Salesgirl pulls back the retractable shade on the stroller.

Salesgirl: Oooo, your baby is soooo cute!

Adam and I: Thanks!

Salesgirl: So, I'm assuming you guys are mom and dad?

Adam and I: Yes.

Salesgirl: Wow, I can't believe her skin is so light! I was totally expecting her to be darker!

Lauren, casting a look of disbelief to the invisible audience, stage left

Ever-jovial-Adam: Well, everyone is different; who knows, her complexion might change as she gets older. You never can tell about these types of things!

Unwittingly-obnoxious-and-offensive salesgirl: Yeah, but I just can't believe how light-skinned she is...she's so fair! You would think that she'd be darker like her mother, but she's not at all...!

Lauren, looking to exit stage left, in disgust

Salesgirl: My sister just had a baby with her boyfriend, who's this really dark-skinned black guy...I mean, he's really dark...and we all expected the baby to look like him, but the baby looks like my sister, really fair. Not a thing like the father!

Salesgirl runs to get her cellphone, to show picture of said albino baby to Adam. Lauren desperately tries to make motions to leave the store

Salesgirl (to Lauren): We have some really comfortable nursing bras and tops. Can I show you some of our best sellers?

**On a sweet note, when asked if the baby on the cell phone was cute, Adam screwed up his face and quickly said, "No! It was only a week old, but already a fat little Buddha." And Adam never has negative things to say about babies. I know this is really bad, but I felt better that salesgirl's nephew wasn't cute.

Oh, and since we're all "saying anything..." these days, here's my two cents: I drank my own breast milk last night. Personally, I don't see what all the hype is about. Didn't taste like much at all to me.