B's 5th birthday is tomorrow, and her teachers had informed me that I could bring in a snack for her class today to celebrate. In my not-very-many-years as a parent, I've seen B bring home goody bags from classmates' birthday celebrations, and realized that I've kind of cheaped out in the past by just sending in a package of Oreos for her party. This year, she's at a new school, with new friends and new anxieties and insecurities. I really wanted her to meet #5 head-on and with confidence, so I asked her what she wanted to have for her party theme. "Dragons!" she exclaimed (as in, How To Train Your Dragon). Dragons it is.
I had seen tiny dragon figurines at Target a couple months ago, so I figured if they were cheap enough I could buy a bunch to give to each of her classmates in a goody bag. Last night, I made the trek and found them in the toy aisle right away. I practically emptied Target out of those dragons. Mama-guilt-meets-American-consumerism at its finest hour.
I walk to checkout and have a male cashier, somewhere in his mid-late 40s. He greets me immediately, but isn't chatty. At some point during the transaction, he must have felt like he should be more conversational, so he remarks, "You're throwing a boy's birthday party, huh?" (you know where this is going...)
Now, it was about 9 pm on a Thursday night. I'm sure this guy was tired after a long day of standing on his feet, dealing with customers and transactions. I'm sure he thought he'd just make conversation with me, we'd exchange some pleasantries, and I'd be on my way. But, something made me "go there", when maybe I should have just let it go.
Me: Now, why would you assume this was for a boy's birthday party?
Cashier: (annoyed) Because you're buying a bunch of boys' toys.
Me: There's no such thing as 'boys' toys'!"
Cashier: (trying not to roll his eyes) Okay...
Me: Actually, this is all for a little girl who loves dragons.
(Silence)
...I couldn't help myself...
Me: You don't need certain body parts in order to play with dragons.
Cashier: (dismissively) Okay.
I know it might have been uncalled for, perhaps even a little rude. But if that guy was comfortable making an assumption to me about gender roles, then surely he would impart that suggestion on to the children in his life. I just that morning had dropped B off at her school, only to notice that all the boys in the classroom were on the floor playing with building blocks and structures, while all the girls were at the table coloring. There's nothing wrong, inherently, with either of these activities. But I don't believe that by nature, boys are born to build and girls are born to color. I think the power of suggestion that we as adults pass along to our kids goes a long way. I've seen the way the girls in her class can get down on the floor and work imaginatively and cooperatively to build ramps, slides and towers with those building blocks. Likewise, I know many of the boys enjoy cutting, pasting and coloring at the arts & crafts table. So why, in an informal setting, do the segregate themselves and migrate to the stereotypical gender-role activities? Perhaps because accidentally or otherwise, it's been suggested that those are the activities appropriate for their sex? Heck, if the cashier at Target would tell me that, then surely there are adults that would say that to their kids, right?
So, B has her dragon-themed party in just another couple hours. I won't be able to make it, but A will, and he promised to take pictures. I wonder if the kids--boys and girls--will love their new dragon toys. My guess is, given the opportunity, kids will see a toy as just a toy, no gender assigned.
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