It's Not Me, It's You

I'm learning, after a long struggle, to not take things so personally.  I usually have and still oftentimes do.  Things I take personally:  bad moods, personality quirks, mistakes, busyness, lack of contact. 

Not only have I realized that the things that might create a barrier between me and friend might have nothing to do with something I've said or done, but that assuming I'm the reason is a somewhat narcissistic approach to life.  I am often insecure about relationships ("what did I do that they haven't returned my call in over a week?") but also egotistical, too ("it must be me that has caused a rift in this friendship!").  I've started exploring the idea that perhaps I like a little too much drama in my life, so I infuse it where no drama actually exists.

Nine times out of ten, said friend or colleague will explain after the fact that they had had an argument with a spouse, or bad news from a relative, or just a plain old busy week that kept them from getting in touch.  Usually, what I detect as a rift isn't even there, and the friend just hasn't had the opportunity to reach out.  Strangely enough, it's when I don't actually think that I've done something wrong (or don't detect any weirdness) that a friend actually is upset by something I've said or done.  I'm totally off my game.  My friendship radar needs some calibrating.

Mostly, though, I just need to chill out.