I remember a conversation I had with some of my close male friends back in college, when dialogue was no holds barred and curiosity was at an all-time high. Somehow the talk drifted to "What do men really think of women???" and the floodgates crashed open, sweeping those of us of the female persuasion completely off our feet. More like, drowning us in new information we were totally unprepared for.
Since my group of friends comprised guys and gals running the gamut of ethnic combinations, conversation seemed to start off there. I don't think it had ever occurred to me that men thought of women from one ethnic group differently than women from another. In my estrogen-laden brain, boys just thought about what simmered beneath certain undergarments, with no respect to the cultural background of the woman bearing "the unforeseen." Evidently, I was wrong. Here's a general synopsis, as best as I can remember from so many years ago:
Black girls:
Oversexed, but full of attitude. Would be an animal in bed, if her ego and attitude didn't get in the way
White girls:
Frigid and puritanical. Don't put out before marriage, then don't put out after wedlock because now that they're married they don't have to (already snagged the guy).
Latin girls: Oversexed, exotic, excellent in bed. Can have a bit of the attitude and egotistical issues.
Asian girls: Demure, exotic, shy, fragile, beautiful.
(Middle Eastern and Native American women were not included in this discussion, to my recollection).
I remember being really insulted by the generalities that (these) men made about women. I know, and am good friends with, or related to women from all of the listed ethnic categories, and none of them fit those descriptions. How is it that men continue to stereotype women in such a way that we cease to be individuals, cease to be human beings? Objectify is a word that took me a long time to truly appreciate, but in the years since this very frank discussion with my male friends, I think I finally understand.
But, that was college, and those guys were boys entering manhood. They are now husbands and fathers (some of young daughters), and my guess is that their perspectives and attitudes about women have changed a lot. And, I also know that a lot of guys--heck, perhaps most guys--aren't like that. I'd like to think that most guys are decent people who respect their mothers and sisters, but just feel a need to keep up with the machismo talk of the locker room. However, everytime I hear another report of a girl getting raped, or hear of women being sexually harassed at their workplace, or see women's bodies presented in a way that men's bodies never would be, I wonder...has the boy's eye view shifted perspective at all?
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Y Tú, Mama, También
My mother and I have always had a pretty close relationship. We didn't (to my memory) act out the typical mother-daughter relationship dramas that many teenage girls engage in with their mothers. While there might have been some power struggles, they were mostly of the petty variety, like whether I could convert to vegetarianism or how often I maintained the compost bin in the backyard.
In my adult life, I've realized how much I value my close relationship with my mother. I talk to my mother at least twice a week, no matter where in the nation I live. She is the first family member I told about my pregnancy, and she was the first relative to meet my daughter. My "Mum" and I are mother and daughter as well as girlfriends. We share tastes in movies, novels and (some) television. We gossip. We confide. We are close.
Just recently, a good friend lost her mother. She is the fourth friend in my life to have suffered such a loss. I cannot imagine the pain of losing someone who means the world to me. Although I know that we all must leave this world one day, my hope is that I will be able to enjoy many, many more years together with my mother.
I recently called her to tell her how much she means to me. I don't believe in waiting to let my feelings be known. I gave her the context for the call and then told her that I wanted to make sure she knew I valued our friendship. She surprised me by telling me how much my friendship has meant to her over the years, particularly during some of the low points in her life. She said she always felt lucky that when I was a teenager, I wanted her around. "You always invited me to hang out with you. You never seemed embarrassed to have your mom with you. That always meant so much." It never really dawned on me that I shouldn't want to hang out with my mother. She is, and always has been, my good friend.
Mum, I hope this post doesn't embarrass you or betray your confidence. I am so proud of my relationship with you and just wanted to write about what a wonderful parent and friend you've been to me. I'm so grateful to have you in my life. I love you.
In my adult life, I've realized how much I value my close relationship with my mother. I talk to my mother at least twice a week, no matter where in the nation I live. She is the first family member I told about my pregnancy, and she was the first relative to meet my daughter. My "Mum" and I are mother and daughter as well as girlfriends. We share tastes in movies, novels and (some) television. We gossip. We confide. We are close.
Just recently, a good friend lost her mother. She is the fourth friend in my life to have suffered such a loss. I cannot imagine the pain of losing someone who means the world to me. Although I know that we all must leave this world one day, my hope is that I will be able to enjoy many, many more years together with my mother.
I recently called her to tell her how much she means to me. I don't believe in waiting to let my feelings be known. I gave her the context for the call and then told her that I wanted to make sure she knew I valued our friendship. She surprised me by telling me how much my friendship has meant to her over the years, particularly during some of the low points in her life. She said she always felt lucky that when I was a teenager, I wanted her around. "You always invited me to hang out with you. You never seemed embarrassed to have your mom with you. That always meant so much." It never really dawned on me that I shouldn't want to hang out with my mother. She is, and always has been, my good friend.
Mum, I hope this post doesn't embarrass you or betray your confidence. I am so proud of my relationship with you and just wanted to write about what a wonderful parent and friend you've been to me. I'm so grateful to have you in my life. I love you.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
These Happy Days Are Yours And Mine
Yesterday was a tough day. Bryony seemed to be getting into everything, and she is starting to learn the art of "backtalk"; we had a rather unsatisfying Skype session with Adam (Bryony managed to fall out of the office chair and hurt herself, then a few minutes later Adam fell asleep during the call); and Adam's absence--the lack of his partnership and intimacy as well as his co-parenting support--hit me and I felt overwhelmed. I had to put Bryony into a too-long timeout just so that I could retreat somewhere in the house to clear my mind and avoid doing something really inappropriate to her in the heat of anger. And then, I read a friend's Facebook status update, and it just brought me over the top.
My fifth "pregnancy cohort" friend is now expecting her second baby. I knew that these announcements would be coming because Adam and I had had every intention of trying for baby #2 around this time, too. But then, of course, we found out about his deployment and the last thing we wanted was for me to go through yet another pregnancy on my own, but this time with the added responsibility of a toddler. So, we were careful and decided we would wait until he returned before we explore the possibility of expanding our family. It smarts a little, though, to see everyone else's lives progressing seemingly without a hitch, without any roadblocks...and our lives have been put on a one-year hiatus. One year without my husband, one year without Bryony's daddy, one year without the chance to advance in our family life. For the first time since he's been out of country, I allowed myself to just curl up in as tight a human ball as I could manage and just cry. It was only for a minute or so, but it felt good to release emotion that had been accumulating and staying pent-up for some time. I was having a "moment" and I just needed to get through it.
Then, I started to feel guilty. I know people who are physically unable to have kids of their own and it is devastating to them. Adam and I have a child already, and we have no reason to believe we will have problems conceiving a second time...so what if we have to wait a little while before we have another? So Bryony will be three years older than her sibling instead of just two; obviously, there are worse things in life.
I took Bryony out of her structured timeout (a la JoJo, the SuperNanny) and had her look me in the eye. Tearfully, but firm, I said, "Little girl, it's just me here right now. Mama's all by herself; I don't have your daddy here to help me out. You and I have a really long road ahead of us and I need you to work with me here so we can get through this together, because honestly I don't know how I'm going to keep from losing it otherwise..." Although I know she didn't fully understand my words, she seemed to respond to the tone of my voice, and she sat there in front of me, serious, taking it all in. I appreciated that.
And then she was up, chasing the cat, flipping through books, standing on the space heater (naughty!) to turn on her CD player, laughing, singing, dancing, and doing every other little thing she does that makes my days spin. And it was good. Really good. And I was once again happy for my friends who are lucky enough to be able to await the newest additions to their families, and optimistic for Adam's two weeks home in July and eventual return in December. And then our lives will move on, too, perhaps in the way we're planning, but perhaps not. Regardless, we are lucky and we are happy and I know it. Happy Days are here again.
Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....
My fifth "pregnancy cohort" friend is now expecting her second baby. I knew that these announcements would be coming because Adam and I had had every intention of trying for baby #2 around this time, too. But then, of course, we found out about his deployment and the last thing we wanted was for me to go through yet another pregnancy on my own, but this time with the added responsibility of a toddler. So, we were careful and decided we would wait until he returned before we explore the possibility of expanding our family. It smarts a little, though, to see everyone else's lives progressing seemingly without a hitch, without any roadblocks...and our lives have been put on a one-year hiatus. One year without my husband, one year without Bryony's daddy, one year without the chance to advance in our family life. For the first time since he's been out of country, I allowed myself to just curl up in as tight a human ball as I could manage and just cry. It was only for a minute or so, but it felt good to release emotion that had been accumulating and staying pent-up for some time. I was having a "moment" and I just needed to get through it.
Then, I started to feel guilty. I know people who are physically unable to have kids of their own and it is devastating to them. Adam and I have a child already, and we have no reason to believe we will have problems conceiving a second time...so what if we have to wait a little while before we have another? So Bryony will be three years older than her sibling instead of just two; obviously, there are worse things in life.
I took Bryony out of her structured timeout (a la JoJo, the SuperNanny) and had her look me in the eye. Tearfully, but firm, I said, "Little girl, it's just me here right now. Mama's all by herself; I don't have your daddy here to help me out. You and I have a really long road ahead of us and I need you to work with me here so we can get through this together, because honestly I don't know how I'm going to keep from losing it otherwise..." Although I know she didn't fully understand my words, she seemed to respond to the tone of my voice, and she sat there in front of me, serious, taking it all in. I appreciated that.
And then she was up, chasing the cat, flipping through books, standing on the space heater (naughty!) to turn on her CD player, laughing, singing, dancing, and doing every other little thing she does that makes my days spin. And it was good. Really good. And I was once again happy for my friends who are lucky enough to be able to await the newest additions to their families, and optimistic for Adam's two weeks home in July and eventual return in December. And then our lives will move on, too, perhaps in the way we're planning, but perhaps not. Regardless, we are lucky and we are happy and I know it. Happy Days are here again.
Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Eine Kleine Laurenstuecke
I was just thinking about a topic I really want to write about, but started to doubt myself because perhaps it reveals a little too much about me (although, when has that ever stopped me??)...so, instead, I thought I'd list a few things about myself that the world doesn't know but that I do feel like sharing.
Favorite musical artists:
Billy Joel, Ani DiFranco, Depeche Mode, Erasure, The Be Good Tanyas, Norah Jones
Favorite books:
Wally Lamb novels She's Come Undone and I Know This Much Is True, Annie Dillard's Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights, and most Charles Dickens. Just getting into Jane Austen these days. My heart still hurts from Richard Wright's Native Son and certain required-high-school-reading classics like Catch 22, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, The Sound and the Fury, The Sun Also Rises, To Kill a Mockingbird, 1984, The Great Gatsby, and The Catcher in the Rye, to name a long few, still resonate. My reading candy is the Harry Potter series, hands down.
Favorite Movies:
I'll be completely forthcoming. I still love Tom Cruise, even though the rest of the world gave up on him when he jumped the shark by jumping the couch. Still a favorite is Top Gun, but I also love A Few Good Men and The Firm.
My true favorite movies, however are far too many to list, but I'll share a sample so you get a flavor of my taste in movies: I've Loved You So Long, An Education, Precious, The English Patient, When Harry Met Sally, The Shawshank Redemption, The Negotiator, Lean On Me, Philadelphia, just about anything the BBC puts out...I tend to lean toward the epic biographical movies like Gandhi, Out of Africa, Macolm X and Schindler's List. I like the stories of (real) people's lives.
Favorite TV shows:
Right now, by far it's "The Good Wife," "Glee," and PBS' "Frontline" and "American Experience." I also enjoy "Burn Notice," almost all the HGTV shows, and "Mad Men," when I have access to cable television.
Favorite Names:
Names I would give my unborn children if my husband were willing (he's not). River, Forest, Shenandoah, Yul, Shelby, Wren, Sable. And no, I don't plan to have a child for each of these names.
Favorite Flavor: Ginger (ice cream, tea, candy, bread, cake, ale, beer, etc)
Favorite Scent: Lavendar
Other Faves:
NPR, all day long. Literally, Sunday through Saturday, from the time I get up in the morning till dinnertime. And yes, I am both a listener and a member.
My friends' blogs. I read and catch up whenever I see there's a new post.
This might sound creepy, but I love to just sit and stare at my beautiful daughter. From her smooth round cheeks to those pouty red lips, she is stunning and I still can't believe Adam and I had anything to do with her creation. Favorite...thing...ever.
Time spent with a glass of red wine and a crossword puzzle. Geeky? Maybe. Totally chillaxed and happy? Definitely.
Long chats with my mother and sister.
Long chats with any of my close girlfriends.
Watching my husband sleep, even if it's just when he forgot to turn off his computer after a Skype session...at night, the internet connection is so good that the video quality is clear enough to show the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes. Adam is definitely one of my favorite things.
My dogs, even though they're no longer alive, are still amongst my favorite things. They taught me what I already knew to be true about myself, and I will miss them forever.
So, folks, that's me in a nutshell. I'm sure I've missed a book or a movie that I absolutely adore, and I know I'll knock my head against the wall when I realize I left out my very favorite music artist. So, if that happens, I guess I'll have to write an addendum to this post to make sure the afterthoughts get included.
Favorite musical artists:
Billy Joel, Ani DiFranco, Depeche Mode, Erasure, The Be Good Tanyas, Norah Jones
Favorite books:
Wally Lamb novels She's Come Undone and I Know This Much Is True, Annie Dillard's Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights, and most Charles Dickens. Just getting into Jane Austen these days. My heart still hurts from Richard Wright's Native Son and certain required-high-school-reading classics like Catch 22, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, The Sound and the Fury, The Sun Also Rises, To Kill a Mockingbird, 1984, The Great Gatsby, and The Catcher in the Rye, to name a long few, still resonate. My reading candy is the Harry Potter series, hands down.
Favorite Movies:
I'll be completely forthcoming. I still love Tom Cruise, even though the rest of the world gave up on him when he jumped the shark by jumping the couch. Still a favorite is Top Gun, but I also love A Few Good Men and The Firm.
My true favorite movies, however are far too many to list, but I'll share a sample so you get a flavor of my taste in movies: I've Loved You So Long, An Education, Precious, The English Patient, When Harry Met Sally, The Shawshank Redemption, The Negotiator, Lean On Me, Philadelphia, just about anything the BBC puts out...I tend to lean toward the epic biographical movies like Gandhi, Out of Africa, Macolm X and Schindler's List. I like the stories of (real) people's lives.
Favorite TV shows:
Right now, by far it's "The Good Wife," "Glee," and PBS' "Frontline" and "American Experience." I also enjoy "Burn Notice," almost all the HGTV shows, and "Mad Men," when I have access to cable television.
Favorite Names:
Names I would give my unborn children if my husband were willing (he's not). River, Forest, Shenandoah, Yul, Shelby, Wren, Sable. And no, I don't plan to have a child for each of these names.
Favorite Flavor: Ginger (ice cream, tea, candy, bread, cake, ale, beer, etc)
Favorite Scent: Lavendar
Other Faves:
NPR, all day long. Literally, Sunday through Saturday, from the time I get up in the morning till dinnertime. And yes, I am both a listener and a member.
My friends' blogs. I read and catch up whenever I see there's a new post.
This might sound creepy, but I love to just sit and stare at my beautiful daughter. From her smooth round cheeks to those pouty red lips, she is stunning and I still can't believe Adam and I had anything to do with her creation. Favorite...thing...ever.
Time spent with a glass of red wine and a crossword puzzle. Geeky? Maybe. Totally chillaxed and happy? Definitely.
Long chats with my mother and sister.
Long chats with any of my close girlfriends.
Watching my husband sleep, even if it's just when he forgot to turn off his computer after a Skype session...at night, the internet connection is so good that the video quality is clear enough to show the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes. Adam is definitely one of my favorite things.
My dogs, even though they're no longer alive, are still amongst my favorite things. They taught me what I already knew to be true about myself, and I will miss them forever.
So, folks, that's me in a nutshell. I'm sure I've missed a book or a movie that I absolutely adore, and I know I'll knock my head against the wall when I realize I left out my very favorite music artist. So, if that happens, I guess I'll have to write an addendum to this post to make sure the afterthoughts get included.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Close Encounters
At some point, years into our relationship, Adam and I were talking about Ralph Macchio (of "Karate Kid" fame) and realized that we had both seem him, presumably on the same night, in the made-for-tv movie "The Three Wishes of Billy Grier," where he played a teen suffering from progeria. That was a 1984 movie, so I was only seven years old then and Adam was fourteen, so of course we would not meet for another fourteen years. The movie is a bit obscure (not like if we'd both seen "Roots" or "The Day After"), so we were surprised and a little chilled to know that many years before we would ever meet and change each other's lives, we were each in front of our tv's watching the same little tv movie.
I think about these types of things often. I mean, the fact that there are still people out there in the world who I have yet to meet, but who will have some major impact (hopefully good) on my life. I look at my friends now and realize that I lived many years of my life before I even knew they existed, and yet I am now surrounded by all of these amazing people who were out there...time and fate and the cosmos were just waiting for our respective trajectories to collide into a friendship. Even stranger is the fact that there are people who aren't yet born who are going to enter my life in some distant time in the future; it is so very strange to contemplate that relationship when the person doesn't even yet exist.
Haven't you ever wondered if while walking through a crowd, you passed by or perhaps brushed elbows with your future spouse? Or future best friend? Or the person who will one day propel your career or spirituality to new heights? Sometimes I feel distinctly aware of all of our interconnectedness, how we are all feeding off one another and influencing and enhancing each others' lives without even necessarily meeting. And then there are those people who actually do meet, perhaps after buying the same loaf of marble rye from the same bakery on Tuesday mornings for the last thirty years and yet they've only just met. Isn't that just...just strange and lovely and romantic and sad all at the same time?
I was born just a few days before Elvis died. My husband is old enough (snicker) to remember Elvis' death, and I often find it so interesting that he actually has a memory of the week I was born. Of course, he could never have known that his future wife and the mother of his child had been born just a few days earlier, but the fact that he has a memory of this time, when I was just hours or days old, is intriguing to me. It feels a little bit like magic.
I think about these types of things often. I mean, the fact that there are still people out there in the world who I have yet to meet, but who will have some major impact (hopefully good) on my life. I look at my friends now and realize that I lived many years of my life before I even knew they existed, and yet I am now surrounded by all of these amazing people who were out there...time and fate and the cosmos were just waiting for our respective trajectories to collide into a friendship. Even stranger is the fact that there are people who aren't yet born who are going to enter my life in some distant time in the future; it is so very strange to contemplate that relationship when the person doesn't even yet exist.
Haven't you ever wondered if while walking through a crowd, you passed by or perhaps brushed elbows with your future spouse? Or future best friend? Or the person who will one day propel your career or spirituality to new heights? Sometimes I feel distinctly aware of all of our interconnectedness, how we are all feeding off one another and influencing and enhancing each others' lives without even necessarily meeting. And then there are those people who actually do meet, perhaps after buying the same loaf of marble rye from the same bakery on Tuesday mornings for the last thirty years and yet they've only just met. Isn't that just...just strange and lovely and romantic and sad all at the same time?
I was born just a few days before Elvis died. My husband is old enough (snicker) to remember Elvis' death, and I often find it so interesting that he actually has a memory of the week I was born. Of course, he could never have known that his future wife and the mother of his child had been born just a few days earlier, but the fact that he has a memory of this time, when I was just hours or days old, is intriguing to me. It feels a little bit like magic.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Workin' It
I GOT THE JOB! It's late and I'm sleepy so this is going to be a short post, but I'm so excited...I was offered the 3-month internship at The Nature Conservancy, for which I had had two interviews (one phone, one in-person). I thought I had a good shot at getting it, but there have been so many jobs I have felt optimistic about that didn't come to fruition, so I've learned to set my sights low and hopefully be pleasantly surprised. And, I was!
I will start in early June, which means Bryony and I have two months to spend as much time together and do as many fun and exciting things as possible before I go to work and she enters the unchartered (by her) territory of child care. I am hoping to find a place really close to my job so that we are not apart any longer than necessary. With Adam away this year, I don't want to be away from her any more time than need be.
So, I got the job. And I am happy. And I am also thankful, not only for the job, but for all my family and friends who supported and encouraged me these last two years of searching. You were the ones who told me the right job would come along and it would be worth the wait (and it is, especially since I got to be at home with my little darling during that time). So, thanks to my "people" for carrying me through this time of frustration and bruised ego. I hope to have only joyful and thankful stories to share now that I've gotten what I wanted for so long. I am also thankful to my husband who has worked the long hours in the remote locations that afforded us a financial position where I could be choosy about my job search and continue to look only at positions in my field. I came close to giving up on ecological jobs, but because I knew I didn't have to look outside my field, I never did. Not everyone is that fortunate.
But, anyway, all this work stuff doesn't start till June, and it's still April from where I'm standing. I've got some serious playtime with my daughter to fit in.
I will start in early June, which means Bryony and I have two months to spend as much time together and do as many fun and exciting things as possible before I go to work and she enters the unchartered (by her) territory of child care. I am hoping to find a place really close to my job so that we are not apart any longer than necessary. With Adam away this year, I don't want to be away from her any more time than need be.
So, I got the job. And I am happy. And I am also thankful, not only for the job, but for all my family and friends who supported and encouraged me these last two years of searching. You were the ones who told me the right job would come along and it would be worth the wait (and it is, especially since I got to be at home with my little darling during that time). So, thanks to my "people" for carrying me through this time of frustration and bruised ego. I hope to have only joyful and thankful stories to share now that I've gotten what I wanted for so long. I am also thankful to my husband who has worked the long hours in the remote locations that afforded us a financial position where I could be choosy about my job search and continue to look only at positions in my field. I came close to giving up on ecological jobs, but because I knew I didn't have to look outside my field, I never did. Not everyone is that fortunate.
But, anyway, all this work stuff doesn't start till June, and it's still April from where I'm standing. I've got some serious playtime with my daughter to fit in.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
The Environmentalist's Dilemma
I got on the conservation boat in eighth grade, when, as part of my middle's schools Environmental Club, I saw the Dr. Seuss movie "The Lorax." I know it sounds cheesy that a children's book (turned movie) was what instigated my total change in mentality, but Dr. Seuss didn't just write for children; his message was universal, and it captured me. If we don't take care of the place where we live, no one else will.
Since then, I have become a self-described environmentalist, conservationist, tree hugger, friend of the earth, etc., etc. I do my part in my own life--I am a conscientious recycler (I even pocket small scraps of paper to bring home to my paper recycling bag later). I have composted my kitchen and yard scraps since I was in high school (with a four-year hiatus when I lived in New York City and didn't have a yard). I drive a fuel-efficient car, that while fourteen years old, still gets 400 highway miles to the tank. I am a vegetarian because (for one reason) I don't believe in feeding produce and grain to animals that could be made available for human consumption. I eat organic as much as I can afford to, because I know the damage that fertilizers, pesticides and hormones can wreak on natural systems. I plant trees. I grow my own organic vegetable garden. We insulate our house and make it as airtight as possible. I don't run water when I wash dishes or brush my teeth. I turn off lights in rooms I'm not in and I use dimmer lights or compact flourescent bulbs when I need lighting. In short, I try really hard to do my part to conserve the resources in our environment.
BUT...
I really enjoy long, hot showers. I like showers so hot they burn my skin. Although I am fine putting on additional layers, I love the feeling of heat flowing from the furnace vents, warming me up during a Michigan winter. And then, there's that Land Rover...
In our last month or so in Texas, we knew that we'd have to move our things back to Michigan during one of Adam's long holiday weekends; there was no way I'd be able to fit all of our stuff in my car during the final move home. Initially, we planned to rent a minivan or SUV; but then, Adam came home from work one day saying that he'd seen a Land Rover Discovery sitting on a dealership lot for under $10,000. "I think it's worth looking into," he said on more than one occasion. I was skeptical, at best. An SUV? Me? There was no way I could hold my head up as a true environmentalist if we indulged in a luxury that we absolutely didn't need like an SUV. But Adam's rationale was good: Why spend nearly $1000 on a four-day rental of a minivan if we could pay less than $10,000 to own a reliable second vehicle? With my Jetta facing various repair bills and a snowy Michigan winter, he thought having a truck like the Land Rover on standby was a prudent consideration. I couldn't completely find fault with him, so I agreed to go to the dealership to check it out.
Once there, we examined the exterior and interior--TWO sunroofs, seating for seven (and then two additional seats in the rear if need be), leather seats...it was definitely luxury with a European flair. Then, Adam suggested I take it for a test drive. "After all," he said, smiling, "I'll likely be in the Middle East for the next year, so this would be your vehicle!" The idea of being responsible for a big Land Rover was daunting to me, but I got behind the wheel anyway.
And then, I drove it. And I loved it. The feeling of the leather seats under my butt, the way the steering wheel handled between my fingers, the smell of luxury emanating from the interior. It was glorious and I started to fall deeper in love with this vehicle the longer I drove it. But, the tree hugger in me couldn't admit to my husband how much I enjoyed the drive. After all, the thing must get terrible gas mileage.
We debated back and forth for days about whether or not we'd get it. We made a list of pros--all the reasons I mentioned above, and cons--bad gas mileage, high mileage vehicle (88,000 miles), having to insure a third vehicle, pricey maintenance and repair bills on a foriegn car. We talked it over with both our families, who all told us not to buy it. We finally decided not to get the truck, but with heavy hearts. Whenever Adam or I passed by the dealer's lot, we couldn't help but look wistfully at the truck that could have been ours. I rationalized that the money we would have put toward that gas-guzzling SUV would be better spent buying a hybrid or electric car, considering how fuel prices were rising (and that was before the recent turmoil in the Middle East erupted). I think we made a sound decision. But I have to admit that despite all the pragmatic reasons that swayed us from buying that vehicle, everytime I see a Land Rover my heart tugs a little. And then I wonder what it says about my commitment to environmental conservation if I can swoon over a vehicle I know is contrary to all of my conservationist principles.
I guess even a tree hugger can love a sweet ride...and a long, hot shower.
Since then, I have become a self-described environmentalist, conservationist, tree hugger, friend of the earth, etc., etc. I do my part in my own life--I am a conscientious recycler (I even pocket small scraps of paper to bring home to my paper recycling bag later). I have composted my kitchen and yard scraps since I was in high school (with a four-year hiatus when I lived in New York City and didn't have a yard). I drive a fuel-efficient car, that while fourteen years old, still gets 400 highway miles to the tank. I am a vegetarian because (for one reason) I don't believe in feeding produce and grain to animals that could be made available for human consumption. I eat organic as much as I can afford to, because I know the damage that fertilizers, pesticides and hormones can wreak on natural systems. I plant trees. I grow my own organic vegetable garden. We insulate our house and make it as airtight as possible. I don't run water when I wash dishes or brush my teeth. I turn off lights in rooms I'm not in and I use dimmer lights or compact flourescent bulbs when I need lighting. In short, I try really hard to do my part to conserve the resources in our environment.
BUT...
I really enjoy long, hot showers. I like showers so hot they burn my skin. Although I am fine putting on additional layers, I love the feeling of heat flowing from the furnace vents, warming me up during a Michigan winter. And then, there's that Land Rover...
In our last month or so in Texas, we knew that we'd have to move our things back to Michigan during one of Adam's long holiday weekends; there was no way I'd be able to fit all of our stuff in my car during the final move home. Initially, we planned to rent a minivan or SUV; but then, Adam came home from work one day saying that he'd seen a Land Rover Discovery sitting on a dealership lot for under $10,000. "I think it's worth looking into," he said on more than one occasion. I was skeptical, at best. An SUV? Me? There was no way I could hold my head up as a true environmentalist if we indulged in a luxury that we absolutely didn't need like an SUV. But Adam's rationale was good: Why spend nearly $1000 on a four-day rental of a minivan if we could pay less than $10,000 to own a reliable second vehicle? With my Jetta facing various repair bills and a snowy Michigan winter, he thought having a truck like the Land Rover on standby was a prudent consideration. I couldn't completely find fault with him, so I agreed to go to the dealership to check it out.
Once there, we examined the exterior and interior--TWO sunroofs, seating for seven (and then two additional seats in the rear if need be), leather seats...it was definitely luxury with a European flair. Then, Adam suggested I take it for a test drive. "After all," he said, smiling, "I'll likely be in the Middle East for the next year, so this would be your vehicle!" The idea of being responsible for a big Land Rover was daunting to me, but I got behind the wheel anyway.
And then, I drove it. And I loved it. The feeling of the leather seats under my butt, the way the steering wheel handled between my fingers, the smell of luxury emanating from the interior. It was glorious and I started to fall deeper in love with this vehicle the longer I drove it. But, the tree hugger in me couldn't admit to my husband how much I enjoyed the drive. After all, the thing must get terrible gas mileage.
We debated back and forth for days about whether or not we'd get it. We made a list of pros--all the reasons I mentioned above, and cons--bad gas mileage, high mileage vehicle (88,000 miles), having to insure a third vehicle, pricey maintenance and repair bills on a foriegn car. We talked it over with both our families, who all told us not to buy it. We finally decided not to get the truck, but with heavy hearts. Whenever Adam or I passed by the dealer's lot, we couldn't help but look wistfully at the truck that could have been ours. I rationalized that the money we would have put toward that gas-guzzling SUV would be better spent buying a hybrid or electric car, considering how fuel prices were rising (and that was before the recent turmoil in the Middle East erupted). I think we made a sound decision. But I have to admit that despite all the pragmatic reasons that swayed us from buying that vehicle, everytime I see a Land Rover my heart tugs a little. And then I wonder what it says about my commitment to environmental conservation if I can swoon over a vehicle I know is contrary to all of my conservationist principles.
I guess even a tree hugger can love a sweet ride...and a long, hot shower.
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