Killeen, Texas, is a hellhole. I am not kidding. At all. If it weren't for the fact that the temperatures here have only hit around 65 degrees this weekend, I would have believed that I had discovered hell on earth.
I should preface the rest of this story by saying that I have never been to Texas before. Well, not beyond a two-hour layover while travelling from California to New York in 2002, and that doesn't count since I didn't step outside the airport. I don't know what I was expecting (10-gallon hats, boots, chaps, spurs, shiny belt buckles...yes, basically I thought I'd see the Marlboro man at every intersection), but this sure isn't it. Killeen is a border town, in that it "borders" Ft. Hood. And like any border town, it's a real dump. The main drag is essentially a service road parallel to the highway, pock-marked with one car dealership after the next, only to be followed by an endless row of national chain restaurants (Jack-in-the-Box, anyone???). The only saving grace was Friday night when Adam surprised me by taking me to a very good mom-and-pop Indian restaurant for take-out. I think that place is the only vestige of culture in this god-forsaken place. There's no real sign of a downtown area, although Adam supposedly drove me through there yesterday. Evidently I must have carelessly blinked during the split second we passed through the area that calls itself a downtown. Even the soldiers who are stationed at Ft. Hood and live in Killeen scratch their heads, shrug, and lamely explain, "Well...you get used to it...and Austin is only an hour and a half away." How sad.
Even sadder is the fact that there is NO NPR here. I told Adam that is the deal-breaker. If I can't get Steve Inskeep in the morning or Ira Glass and Carl Kassel on a Saturday, then I just don't know what I would do. Of course, I can always stream Michigan (NPR) radio over the computer, but that is not the point. How can a place expect to keep newcomers and not have antenna access to National Public Radio? I just don't get it.
Before I end this making it sound as though I'm having an awful time here, let me state that it is GREAT to see Adam. Sometimes when we go through these separations, I don't realize how very much I miss him until we see each other again. That's when the floodgates open and raw emotion pours out. I have also had a chance to meet his colleagues and they are really awesome. I'm glad he has such great people around to keep him company while we're apart.
And the $50 million question: Did Bryony recognize her daddy? I was more than a little concerned that she would have forgotten him in the month that they'd been separated, considering that's 1/9 of her life. But no, it was obvious the moment she laid eyes on him at the kiss-n-ride at the airport that she was over the moon to see her daddy again. He swept her out of my arms and she laughed hysterically, grinned ear-to-ear and practically begged him not to put her down. It has really touched me how they seem to have an even stronger bond now, in this long weekend, than they did the first eight months of her life. Forget about mama, this weekend, it's been all about daddy.
Which brings me to my final stanza. I've decided that it would be wrong of me to keep father and daughter apart, no matter how much it will hurt me to leave Lansing, especially for a dead-end place like Killeen. Plus, after years of on-again-off-again separations for military deployments, it would be nice to just live with my husband for the long haul. I keep telling myself that some type of employment will come my way and that right now I need to think of my family first. So, at some point this spring--probably sooner rather than later--Bryony and I will make the move to Texas. Just thinking about it makes me a little sick, as the picture of leaving behind friends, our mother-baby group, my knitting group and our various volunteer activities comes clearer. But sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.
Oh yeah, Bryony started crawling last night. Thank goodness we were all together for Adam to witness that milestone. I know that neither of us would be able to bear Adam missing her other firsts. We need to be together.
So, as per the directives of many, many people in my life, I am finally...going to hell.
1 comment:
Oh goodness - sounds plain awful. Much like our experience driving to Nowhereville, PA to Matt's next church assignment and realize, no we weren't getting an upgrade. He actually cried when he saw the church. I feel for you and hope that vesitges of positivity will reveal themselves in short order. Hang in there.
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