Last year on this day, we were travelling through Montana. We stopped in Bozeman and Missoula to check out all the scary Halloween decorations in people's yards. The college crowd in Montana really does it up for the occasion. By comparison, Lansing seems really lacking in spirit (pardon the pun).
What a difference a year makes. Making that cross-country trip doesn't seem like a year ago already; we had such a good time and the memories are so fresh, yet so many things have happened since then that it only makes sense that a year must have passed. It's hard to believe how different everything is now from then--we had just lost Shabbi and were consumed with grief for her passing; Adam had just returned from Iraq so we were simultaneously celebrating his arrival; we had an uncertain future ahead of us, including continued travel, the worry of finding jobs, and talk of getting married one day. Now, a year later, here we are, with so much changed. While we still grieve Shabbi's absence daily, in some ways we're able to shift the context of her passing into fond memories of her life, rather than constant sadness of her death. Adam has left again, this time for a "deployment" we can both be happy about; he's stateside, in the same time zone, and not in harm's way. And of course, the obvious changes--the nuptials and Wee Willie on the way. I'm constantly reminded these days how life really doesn't turn out the way you want it to, but sometimes it's better that it didn't. Adam and I had no plans to start trying for a family until after his training was over, so at least 6 months from now. Even more, we were hoping to already have two full-time jobs with benefits, good pay, excellent career potential, and a reason to move out of Lansing into a bigger home with fewer issues. Well, of course none of that happened (yet). But as a good friend of ours said, neither of us is getting any younger. Who's to say that 6 months from now, something might not have arisen that made getting pregnant more difficult? With Ads knocking on 39, becoming a dad now is really not a bad thing, no matter what our (perceived) circumstances are. So, with many other things in life (deployments, unemployments, etc.) we are just taking a deep breath and letting the tide come in as it may. Along with the condoms, needles and other garbage that might wash up from time to time, the tide also brings in many little treasures--sea glass, coins, messages in bottles. We're breathing easy as our tide continues to come in.
A little existentialism for your Halloween this year. Be well, have fun and be safe, friends. I'll be on my front porch in last year's recycled costume (check back to the October 2007 entries to see my "Bride of Frankenstein" getup), passing out candy to the wee ones in the neighborhood. Love you all, and may you have a most fantastic and Happiest of Halloweens!
No comments:
Post a Comment