There is nothing like the little quakes of life forming inside your womb to wake you up during the night, or to wake you up from the defeatist position you might take on things.
This little one is so active...has been since 12 weeks, which most people (except my midwives) say is impossible, but I know what I've been feeling. I thought B was an active fetus, but this one is persistent and demands attention. I love it.
I've had a dreary take on things lately, from the futility of the job search to the loneliness both B and I have felt since moving here, and it's easy to get into the doldrums. It's been particularly difficult lately, because I've seen wonderful things at my old job that I've missed out on--baby showers for the other three women there who are also pregnant now, and staff retreats to some of my favorite places in Michigan--and I feel lonely for my work and for my colleagues and friends. It can be difficult to feel optimistic about what lies ahead when every effort I make seems fruitless.
But then I feel little earthquakes inside me. As much as I know that this little one's arrival will make finding a job even harder, and will perhaps isolate me even further from social opportunities, I am excited. We wanted this little one so very much, and have endured disappointment and heartbreak to finally welcome her/him. I'm so excited.
The tremors abound.
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