Little Earthquakes

There is nothing like the little quakes of life forming inside your womb to wake you up during the night, or to wake you up from the defeatist position you might take on things. 

This little one is so active...has been since 12 weeks, which most people (except my midwives) say is impossible, but I know what I've been feeling.  I thought B was an active fetus, but this one is persistent and demands attention.  I love it.

I've had a dreary take on things lately, from the futility of the job search to the loneliness both B and I have felt since moving here, and it's easy to get into the doldrums.  It's been particularly difficult lately, because I've seen wonderful things at my old job that I've missed out on--baby showers for the other three women there who are also pregnant now, and staff retreats to some of my favorite places in Michigan--and I feel lonely for my work and for my colleagues and friends.  It can be difficult to feel optimistic about what lies ahead when every effort I make seems fruitless.

But then I feel little earthquakes inside me.  As much as I know that this little one's arrival will make finding a job even harder, and will perhaps isolate me even further from social opportunities, I am excited.  We wanted this little one so very much, and have endured disappointment and heartbreak to finally welcome her/him.  I'm so excited.

The tremors abound.

WNY

Helicopters are flying over my house on their way to do surveillance over the Washington Navy Yards, where a gunman has shot at least 10 people, and possibly killed four.

My family was just at the park adjacent to the Navy Yards a couple weeks ago, having a great day of fun...so sad to think that that area has turned from innocence to tragedy in such a short time.

My family has many friends who work in the Navy Yards, and currently hunkered down, under lockdown in their office spaces right now, trying to stay safe from a violent shooter.  My heart goes out to them, and I wish them safety and strength.

My heart is sad, once more, today.

One Moment In Time

We went to visit a relative for dinner this evening.  During the course of the night, she decided to pull out old family photos to share with us.  The one that was the most captivating was that of her parents' wedding photo, circa 1946.  They were in their post-ceremony honeymoon clothes, hands clasped and both of them beautiful and radiant and full of hope.  However, our relative commented that in her childhood, she had never known her parents to have exchanged civil conversation, and they never slept in the same bedroom, much less the same bed.  Twenty-three years after their wedding, their contentious marriage ended in a bitter divorce.

Looking at that beautiful smiling couple, I felt a mix of emotions--bewilderment that such gorgeous, hopeful people could end up so utterly unhappy; sad that this had been the case; and grateful that my own marriage, despite its ups and downs, is still standing. 

I'm not even sure why I'm posting about this.  Lots of folks (many of whom have been relatives or good friends of mine) get divorced.  It's not unusual.  But I guess looking at that photograph, that snapshot in time of one couple's dreams for their future, was sobering upon knowing what happened to them. 

That's all.

Welcome to the world, Rosie Clementine!

You, sweet little one, have just been lucky enough to be born into one of the most adventuresome, awe-inspiring and loving families I know.  I can't wait to meet you one day and see your wonderful parents and siblings.  I love you already and welcome you with warm hugs to the world!