The People You Meet

Last week, on my lunch break, I had to stop by the local brick and tile supply store to place an order for our kitchen remodel. The man who greeted me, Chuck, was incredibly charming. A self-described short, stocky Italian guy, he was easygoing and very personable. After convincing me that I did not actually want to replace the brick on my kitchen wall with more brick, but rather with rustic tile, I thought he was a nice guy I'd likely never see again. Later that day he called to tell me that he'd forgotten to have me pick out the mortar color, so I agreed to come in the following day.

After showing me several mortar samples, we got to talking. He started telling me about his wife and daughter and granddaughter, and how lucky he was to have them in his life. Then, he told me about how he had almost lost them. When Chuck was nineteen years old, he lost his father to a fall during a roofing project. Chuck had been working on the roof with his dad, but was late for a date with a girl and had rushed away when the project was finished. Minutes later, Chuck heard his father roll down the roof while he was inside getting ready for his date. After fourteen days in the hospital, Chuck's father succumbed to his injuries and died. Soon after, Chuck's brother turned to him and said, "This is all your fault." And for the next seventeen years, Chuck believed it. He got angry and didn't stop being angry. While he was never abusive or violent with his family, he allowed the poison of guilt to lash out at the world. He recounted incidents of fist fights at busy intersections, barroom brawls, and screaming matches with anyone who looked at him the wrong way. He was so desperately angry at the world, he wanted to release his fury on everyone.

He was on the brink of losing his marriage. He said his wife had had to explain to the neighbors too many times why the police had showed up at her house after yet another of Chuck's episodes. While he was never violent toward her, he was making her miserable, and he knew it. He just didn't know how to control himself.

Then, one day, Chuck and his wife were driving on one of the downtown streets when a car cut them off and peeled out ahead. His perpetual anger bubbled up inside him and he chased the car through town, honking and cursing out his window until finally he was able to force the car off the road. Chuck jumped out of his car and ran, red-faced and cursing, to the driver's window. "You f*&%$g a$$hole! What are you doing driving? You shouldn't even be on the road!" Chuck recalled that the young man in the car was likely several inches taller than him and could probably have taken Chuck out in an instant if he'd wanted to. But instead, he cowered in the car, apologizing over and over again. In the midst of his tantrum, Chuck wondered why this much bigger man didn't get out of the car and overpower him. Upon closer inspection, he noticed a single tear fall down the young man's face. Feeling his anger subside, he crouched down to the young man's window and asked, "Hey, man, what's going on?" The young man looked into Chuck's eyes and said, "I just found out my mom and dad were killed in an accident. I'm trying to get to the hospital." And then he started to weep.

It was the pivotal moment in Chuck's life. He said to me, "I realized right then, that that young guy was having the worst day of his life, and in all my anger and venom, I had made it even worse. I realized that I didn't deserve to be around other people because I made their lives worse...and that thought was paralyzing to me. I didn't want to be the guy that people didn't deserve to have to come across." After apologizing to the young man and giving him his heartfelt condolences, Chuck walked back to the car where his wife was waiting. Prepared to hear yet another tirade from her husband, she was surprised that Chuck didn't say a word has he settled behind the wheel. Looking perplexed at him, she asked what had happened. Chuck just shook his head and closed his eyes. His voice broke. "I don't want to be angry anymore...I'm just so tired of being angry all of the time. I think I need help." His wife started crying, hoping that he was telling the truth. He was. He sought counseling to help him get past his demons. He finally realized that his father's death was just an unfortunate accident that he could not have foreseen or prevented. He also recognized how lucky he was to have a great relationship with the family he treasures.

Chuck finished his story, shaking his head, saying, "Sorry to go on and on like this. It's a part of my past I'm not proud of." I told him he should be proud that he was able to turn his life around so successfully. Then his phone rang, and my lunch hour was almost over, so I said good-bye and left.

And, that's Chuck's story.