Marching Orders

First off, I want to thank--profusely--all of the many folks who responded to my last post. Your Facebook comments, e-mails, text messages and phone calls are not just appreciated, but are my soul food right now. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your kind thoughts, offers of support and sympathy and emotional rejuventation. My cup runneth over.

We are doing okay. The initial shock--if you want to call it that, since we did know that Adam's deployment was probably imminent--has worn off, and now we are in planning mode. Upon receiving his deployment orders, Adam was also told he was getting a 2-week extension here at Fort Hood. This meant we had some time to pack our things and make the transition back to Michigan before Adam has to report to Georgia. But the extension orders didn't come, and as of last night, we worried that we would be getting kicked out of our apartment since today is the official end of his first contract. I've spent the entire morning packing, shredding documents and surveying which food items to throw away, give away, or pack for the trip. I'm so glad that we moved the bulk our things back to Michigan a couple weeks ago, but even so, packing the remainder of the apartment is more than a one-person, one-day venture. I staved off feelings of being overwhelmed as I packed belongings (that Bryony routinely unpacked when my back was turned). Then, about an hour ago, Adam called and said that he had received the extension orders; we can stay here in the apartment for another couple weeks. *Relief*

Over the last couple days I've had time to think about the reality of Adam being gone. I've been through a long deployment twice before (and many other shorter assignments throughout our twelve years together), so I know what to expect: loneliness, sadness, panic when something goes wrong that I don't know how to deal with, worry for his safety even when he tells me he's fine, more panic as I realize the time apart is not ticking by as quickly as I'd hoped. But, I also know that in a situation like this, there is also room for unexpected surprises, opportunities, possibilities. I was reminded yesterday that this very blog was started four years ago when Adam was deployed to Iraq, and I had accepted a temporary field biologist position in Oregon. That summer in Oregon completely changed my life, as I acquired a new sense of professional purpose, self-identity and independence, and a few life-long friendships. Chances are, I would not have accepted a job so far away from Michigan if Adam had not been gone; but, I used his absence as an opportunity to do something for myself, for which I am eternally grateful. That's not to say that I would gladly have had him go to Iraq then (or now); but if he's got to go, then it's useful for me to concentrate on the benefits of being by myself even while being aware of the drawbacks.

I'm not fooling myself; I know that having Bryony as part of the picture now changes things immensely. But hopefully both she and I will gain something positive from this year of "just us gals" of which we can look back on and be proud. I once told Adam that there should be a bumper sticker out there for servicemembers that says, "I might be the soldier (sailor, Marine, etc.), but my family are the troopers."

This year will be the year for us troopers.