Wanted: BFF

Sarah has Susan.

Adria has Freedom.

Daniela has Vycki.

Heather has Lily.

Emily has Kristin.

Tracy has Heather.

Michelle has Erin.

Kara has Jeanne.

Lauren has...everyone, and no one all at the same time.

For a few years now, I've become very aware of the fact that I don't have a best friend. I have loads of great friends, some very close, some more casual. But, they all have their own best friends from childhood or college, women they can say anything to (at any time of the day or night) and expect brutal honesty and complete and utter sympathy and love all at the same time.

I miss that.

Don't get me wrong, I know that the wonderful, special women in my life love me as much as I love them. I know that they are there for me in a minute if I have an emergency, or need to vent or just cry a bit. But, I guess I am guilty of getting caught up in the false sentiment in every Hallmark commercial that portrays two women, miles away from each other, on the phone every night and friends to the end. I have wonderful friends, I do. But each of these amazing women has another woman that they feel connected and bonded to in a way that I'm not bonded to any of them. I wonder what it is about me that lacks this potential for connection. I feel a bit like I'm a rare atom that other atoms like to hang around with, but no one wants to become a molecule with me. What's wrong with MY electrons??

I sometimes wonder if there's a girlfriend out there who does consider me her "bestie" and I just don't know it. Don't best friends say those types of things to each other so that each party knows their status? All of the above-named women can immediately identify her best friend at the drop of a hat. The fact that I can't is because none of my female friends and I have ever discussed our relationship in these terms. I should mention that this post is not intended to guilt anyone to saying that they consider me their BFF just to make me feel good; however, if you actually DO feel that way about me, and I just don't realize it, please feel free to drop me a note.

Do I sound like an utter and complete loser here???

I guess I should acknowledge that my little sis and I have also been close over the years, almost like a "default" setting on your computer preferences. I cherish and love that relationship more than I can describe. But outside of my sisterhood, I imagine a friendship so strong and natural that this woman feels like a second sister to me. I don't know why I crave it, but I do.

But if that relationship never comes, I remain content with the knowledge that I have a beautiful fabric of complex and wonderful women who keep my heart and soul warm and happy. Thank you, sisters.