Soul Food

Last night Bryony and I returned from a week-long venture back to our old stomping grounds in Michigan. It was fantastic, really so amazing that so many of our friends opened up their schedules and homes to us while we were in town. Each day was the perfect whirlwind of social dates and events. I even had a little free time to inspect the house, find that much of the basement was covered in mold, and work on remediating that. Special thanks to Pamela, Luke and Mateo for picking us up when we first got to town, dropping us off at the end, and all the quality time spent in between.

I needed this trip. I won't overdramatize my life in Texas, but coming back to Michigan was like feeding my soul. From the moment I passed the familiar Admiral station where Adam and I used to get our cheap gas (and that used to get held up every six months or so) I got a warm, familiar shiver that I was home. All the roads, buildings, and finally faces that made Michigan home to us for the last eight years came into focus and everything felt clear. I started to think--and Adam made sure to remind me--that Lauren in 2002 never would have thought that I would be homesick for Michigan after having just moved there from New York City. Back then, it felt like I had made a very bad choice to leave the glitz and glamour of big city life for the relative quiet, college-football-lovin', apple pie existence of the Midwest. It took a couple years (and much eye-rolling from my new Michigan friends) before I stopped comparing everything in Michigan to the "much better" alternatives back in New York. I slowly forgot my decree that I "wasn't there to make friends; I was only going to spend 2-3 years getting my degree and then get the hell out!" (presumably with an immediate move back to New York). We made friends--good friends--and without even knowing it, we put down roots. This became even truer when I got pregnant and started volunteering with local community groups and going to expectant parent meetings. I met so many new friends, people I felt I'd known for years. When Bryony finally came along, a whole new world of other new mothers and fathers opened up to us. I joined a new parents' group, a library story group, and had playdates throughout the week with various friends and their kids. Add our original friends from grad school to the mix and our lives in Michigan were one solid infrastructure.

Now in 2010, I'm not looking for urban glitz and glamour, for cafes that stay open til 2am or for trendy boutiques, clubs or restaurants. In my mid-30s, married with a small child, I'm looking for community, an infrastructure that will support me and one that I can contribute to. I want to work the earth in a community garden and volunteer my time at a community center. I want trusted playgroups for my daughter and a network of reliable and kind-hearted fellow parents to spend time with. I want non-parent friends to remind me that I am not just Bryony's mother. I want professional connections as I try to re-enter the working world. I want diversity of mindsets, cultures, political dogma and backgrounds and experiences to teach me and my child that we are all different but we are all equal. And okay, some good Indian, Thai, Mexican, Italian, Vietnamese, vegetarian, etc. restaurants would be good, too. I want food for my soul.

I have these things back in Michigan, which is why it's so hard to stay away. So far, without the benefit of a job or school, it has been harder than usual for me to make friends. I'm trying hard not to make the mistakes of the past by comparing Texas to what I had back in Michigan, but sometimes I do anyway. It's comforting--if sad--to think about what I left behind. But perhaps if I try really hard, one day I will be sad to leave Texas. Maybe then, my soul will be filled.