And This Too Shall Pass

I'm down to 16 days left before Adam returns home, and I'm starting to get a little perspective on my feelings about his being gone. Even though there is so little time remaining, I find that I miss him more than ever now, and get a bit closer to having breakdowns during the thick of things. Like, say, when my back hurts and he's not around to rub it; or when I really don't want to have to change the bed linens because it is really hard to move the bed away from the wall these days; or when I just utterly miss his company and silly grin and the smell and feel of him. I know it's just a little while longer, but somehow that makes it even harder to get through the days. Add to the fact that he's been out in the middle of Nowheresville, GA, doing field training for the week and therefore incommunicado since Monday...not even getting to hear his voice...I've been trying to keep my thoughts at bay and not lose it sometimes.

Last night I had the second installment of my birth class, and it was really really hard not having Adam there with me. My back was KILLING me throughout the entire class, and no amount of medicine balls, stretching techniques or meditation could solve it. I just wanted my guy next to me, kneading his fingers into the persistent knot that won't go away. It was extra hard when the midwife had "couples" practice birthing stances with each other; with Adam not there, Kip the midwife was my partner. At least she smelled nice and perfumey.

I've been purposely filling up my weekly schedule with all sorts of things to do to make the time pass more quickly, and to some extent it's working. But even as the days count down, somehow there are always several more ahead that we have to get through. Today I spent reading my blog from the time I started writing it (right after I'd arrived in Oregon) to the days after Adam and I had completed our cross-country trip back to Michigan. I read how I was counting down the months, weeks and then days till I would meet Adam back in California, and how hard the waiting was, even though I was living in gorgeous Oregon with two fab roommates. But the days dwindled down, and the waiting came to an end. And so this too shall pass. I know it; it always does. It's just so dang hard to wait until it does.