There is nothing like the little quakes of life forming inside your womb to wake you up during the night, or to wake you up from the defeatist position you might take on things.
This little one is so active...has been since 12 weeks, which most people (except my midwives) say is impossible, but I know what I've been feeling. I thought B was an active fetus, but this one is persistent and demands attention. I love it.
I've had a dreary take on things lately, from the futility of the job search to the loneliness both B and I have felt since moving here, and it's easy to get into the doldrums. It's been particularly difficult lately, because I've seen wonderful things at my old job that I've missed out on--baby showers for the other three women there who are also pregnant now, and staff retreats to some of my favorite places in Michigan--and I feel lonely for my work and for my colleagues and friends. It can be difficult to feel optimistic about what lies ahead when every effort I make seems fruitless.
But then I feel little earthquakes inside me. As much as I know that this little one's arrival will make finding a job even harder, and will perhaps isolate me even further from social opportunities, I am excited. We wanted this little one so very much, and have endured disappointment and heartbreak to finally welcome her/him. I'm so excited.
The tremors abound.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Monday, September 16, 2013
WNY
Helicopters are flying over my house on their way to do surveillance over the Washington Navy Yards, where a gunman has shot at least 10 people, and possibly killed four.
My family was just at the park adjacent to the Navy Yards a couple weeks ago, having a great day of fun...so sad to think that that area has turned from innocence to tragedy in such a short time.
My family has many friends who work in the Navy Yards, and currently hunkered down, under lockdown in their office spaces right now, trying to stay safe from a violent shooter. My heart goes out to them, and I wish them safety and strength.
My heart is sad, once more, today.
My family was just at the park adjacent to the Navy Yards a couple weeks ago, having a great day of fun...so sad to think that that area has turned from innocence to tragedy in such a short time.
My family has many friends who work in the Navy Yards, and currently hunkered down, under lockdown in their office spaces right now, trying to stay safe from a violent shooter. My heart goes out to them, and I wish them safety and strength.
My heart is sad, once more, today.
Monday, September 2, 2013
One Moment In Time
We went to visit a relative for dinner this evening. During the course of the night, she decided to pull out old family photos to share with us. The one that was the most captivating was that of her parents' wedding photo, circa 1946. They were in their post-ceremony honeymoon clothes, hands clasped and both of them beautiful and radiant and full of hope. However, our relative commented that in her childhood, she had never known her parents to have exchanged civil conversation, and they never slept in the same bedroom, much less the same bed. Twenty-three years after their wedding, their contentious marriage ended in a bitter divorce.
Looking at that beautiful smiling couple, I felt a mix of emotions--bewilderment that such gorgeous, hopeful people could end up so utterly unhappy; sad that this had been the case; and grateful that my own marriage, despite its ups and downs, is still standing.
I'm not even sure why I'm posting about this. Lots of folks (many of whom have been relatives or good friends of mine) get divorced. It's not unusual. But I guess looking at that photograph, that snapshot in time of one couple's dreams for their future, was sobering upon knowing what happened to them.
That's all.
Looking at that beautiful smiling couple, I felt a mix of emotions--bewilderment that such gorgeous, hopeful people could end up so utterly unhappy; sad that this had been the case; and grateful that my own marriage, despite its ups and downs, is still standing.
I'm not even sure why I'm posting about this. Lots of folks (many of whom have been relatives or good friends of mine) get divorced. It's not unusual. But I guess looking at that photograph, that snapshot in time of one couple's dreams for their future, was sobering upon knowing what happened to them.
That's all.
Welcome to the world, Rosie Clementine!
You, sweet little one, have just been lucky enough to be born into one of the most adventuresome, awe-inspiring and loving families I know. I can't wait to meet you one day and see your wonderful parents and siblings. I love you already and welcome you with warm hugs to the world!
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Contemplating
As anyone who still might read this blog from time to time might have noticed, it's been a long time since my last post. In fact, long stretches of time lapse between most of my posts now. There are lots of excuses--"I'm so busy!" "Is this interesting enough to people for me to actually write about?"--but I think the real reasons are that I'm lacking in inspiration, and so I don't really have the creative edge anymore to keep it up.
So, I've been thinking about ending the blog. I don't want this to be just another Mommy blog, where all I post about is pregnancies, child-rearing and couponing. There are plenty of those out in the etherworld, and despite the fact that my life has changed considerably since I started this blog, I never intended my thoughts here to center on the mundane. After all, the title is "Travels With Charleys," not "Sitting at Home, Bitching and Complaining about Charleys" (not that I would do that, but you get my point).
I guess the adventure and thrills of life end--well, maybe change to other types of adventures and thrills--when you have kids. After all, one of my favorite blogs is maintained by my good friend who's about to have her third kid, and never do her posts seem boring or mundane. In fact, she's always out and about camping, hiking and traveling with her kids, and posting beautifully artistic photos of their family time together. I guess I'm just a more boring soul than she, and can't quite seem to get the motivation to get out on the town with B, much less pack a nice SLR camera to take along.
But, alas, I've decided that I have more stories to tell and more editorials to write. And perhaps this self-assessment of how slow and rote life has become is the wake-up call I need to add a little excitement into the mix. Perhaps some spontaneous trips to the capitol? Perhaps an impromptu hike along the many urban trails we pass in the car and wistfully wish we had time to try out? Before long, life will become even more complicated with the addition of a newborn, the start of a new job (hopefully, one day), and full-time school for B. These are the days to take advantage of and live. So the house hasn't been swept of all the dog hair. So the dishes need to be washed. B's room is a pigsty and the bed linens need stripping and washing. I'm trying to find a point of leaving that all behind so we can really live and enjoy these days together. I want my own Polaroid picture album of awesome travels.
So, instead of scapegoating the blog, I'll work on the real problem: me. And then I'll write all about it.
So, I've been thinking about ending the blog. I don't want this to be just another Mommy blog, where all I post about is pregnancies, child-rearing and couponing. There are plenty of those out in the etherworld, and despite the fact that my life has changed considerably since I started this blog, I never intended my thoughts here to center on the mundane. After all, the title is "Travels With Charleys," not "Sitting at Home, Bitching and Complaining about Charleys" (not that I would do that, but you get my point).
I guess the adventure and thrills of life end--well, maybe change to other types of adventures and thrills--when you have kids. After all, one of my favorite blogs is maintained by my good friend who's about to have her third kid, and never do her posts seem boring or mundane. In fact, she's always out and about camping, hiking and traveling with her kids, and posting beautifully artistic photos of their family time together. I guess I'm just a more boring soul than she, and can't quite seem to get the motivation to get out on the town with B, much less pack a nice SLR camera to take along.
But, alas, I've decided that I have more stories to tell and more editorials to write. And perhaps this self-assessment of how slow and rote life has become is the wake-up call I need to add a little excitement into the mix. Perhaps some spontaneous trips to the capitol? Perhaps an impromptu hike along the many urban trails we pass in the car and wistfully wish we had time to try out? Before long, life will become even more complicated with the addition of a newborn, the start of a new job (hopefully, one day), and full-time school for B. These are the days to take advantage of and live. So the house hasn't been swept of all the dog hair. So the dishes need to be washed. B's room is a pigsty and the bed linens need stripping and washing. I'm trying to find a point of leaving that all behind so we can really live and enjoy these days together. I want my own Polaroid picture album of awesome travels.
So, instead of scapegoating the blog, I'll work on the real problem: me. And then I'll write all about it.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
One, Two, Three...
It only took one year, two miscarriages and three positive tests (not to mention joyous text messages to family and friends), but I am finally (and it would seem, healthily) pregnant. We are expecting a wee one sometime in January 2014. Adam, B and I are beside ourselves with joy and gratitude. Adam is hoping for a boy, but says he will be delighted to have another girl. B says she doesn't know what she wants, and I am hoping for another girl so I can reuse all those clothes I've had stored, airtight, for the last four years. But, like Adam, I don't really care, hoping at the end of it all that baby arrives safely and in good health.
We announced our news to the world with the following picture, with the caption:
"Caught her reading this tonight...she mentioned something about administering pop quizzes for Adam
and me over the next 6 months."
We announced our news to the world with the following picture, with the caption:
"Caught her reading this tonight...she mentioned something about administering pop quizzes for Adam
and me over the next 6 months."
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Our Own Worst Critics
You've probably read or heard the news that Angelina Jolie had a double mastectomy after discovering, through genetic testing, that she carries the gene that gives her an 87% chance of developing breast cancer. For the most part, the collective response was, "Wow, how brave and conscientious of her to make that decision for her and her family, and how strong she is to have disclosed it to a world that propelled her to stardom based mainly on her physical beauty."
But, then there were other responses..."How could she have butchered herself like that? She'll never be seen the same way by her fans!" and "Will she ever get another movie role?", and perhaps the most troubling to me, "Why did she publish this article in the NY Times and scare women since 99% of us do not carry the gene and therefore don't have to worry about this! Just another celebrity using their misfortune to cause public hysteria!"
The majority of these comments were made...by women.
As women, we are accustomed to being treated like second-class citizens in a country in which we outnumber our male counterparts 51:49. We earn 75 cents to every dollar that a man earns for the same work; we are judged on our physical beauty much more often than on our intellectual prowess, skills and talents; we are judged for being sexual creatures or for being too prude, for having a baby out of wedlock or for terminating a pregnancy, for drinking a glass of wine or being "of advanced maternal age" while pregnant, even though science shows that men contribute as much or even more to the health and well-being of an unborn child; mothers are damned if they do stay at home with their children and damned if they don't.
But, I've found that one thing that is rarely discussed in polite conversation (or even in public discourse) is the manner in which we women shortchange, stymie and set back other women. It wasn't so long ago that Sheryl Sandberg was featured on the cover of Time magazine for the publication of her book "Lean In", a megaphonic callout to women that they need not sacrifice the upward progression of their careers simply because motherhood and family beckon; instead, there are ways (and there need to be more and better ways created) for women to achieve the professional success of men without giving up their important role of mother. After all, women are earning advanced and graduate degrees at increasingly higher rates than men, and so it doesn't follow that they should be dropping out of the tenure process in academia, or off the corporate ladder right around the time that the maternal clock starts to ring. But, boy, oh boy did Sheryl Sandberg get a vicious backlash. How dare she tell other women who are not of her social status how to balance career and homelife? How dare she suggest that women abandon motherhood in favor of work (which she didn't actually suggest)? How dare she strut her wealthy, successful self onto the cover of Time magazine and pretend she has the answers? Gloria Steinem came out shortly thereafter in support of Sandberg, and said this to the critics: "Even its critics are making a deep if inadvertent point: Only in women is success viewed as a barrier to giving advice."
So why are we women thwarting other women?
I wish I could offer an insightful and intelligent exploration into this, but I fear this post is strictly observation. But I fear the downfall of women in this society might not be, as we popularly suggest, the oppression from males, but rather our own inadvertent self-flagellation.
But, then there were other responses..."How could she have butchered herself like that? She'll never be seen the same way by her fans!" and "Will she ever get another movie role?", and perhaps the most troubling to me, "Why did she publish this article in the NY Times and scare women since 99% of us do not carry the gene and therefore don't have to worry about this! Just another celebrity using their misfortune to cause public hysteria!"
The majority of these comments were made...by women.
As women, we are accustomed to being treated like second-class citizens in a country in which we outnumber our male counterparts 51:49. We earn 75 cents to every dollar that a man earns for the same work; we are judged on our physical beauty much more often than on our intellectual prowess, skills and talents; we are judged for being sexual creatures or for being too prude, for having a baby out of wedlock or for terminating a pregnancy, for drinking a glass of wine or being "of advanced maternal age" while pregnant, even though science shows that men contribute as much or even more to the health and well-being of an unborn child; mothers are damned if they do stay at home with their children and damned if they don't.
But, I've found that one thing that is rarely discussed in polite conversation (or even in public discourse) is the manner in which we women shortchange, stymie and set back other women. It wasn't so long ago that Sheryl Sandberg was featured on the cover of Time magazine for the publication of her book "Lean In", a megaphonic callout to women that they need not sacrifice the upward progression of their careers simply because motherhood and family beckon; instead, there are ways (and there need to be more and better ways created) for women to achieve the professional success of men without giving up their important role of mother. After all, women are earning advanced and graduate degrees at increasingly higher rates than men, and so it doesn't follow that they should be dropping out of the tenure process in academia, or off the corporate ladder right around the time that the maternal clock starts to ring. But, boy, oh boy did Sheryl Sandberg get a vicious backlash. How dare she tell other women who are not of her social status how to balance career and homelife? How dare she suggest that women abandon motherhood in favor of work (which she didn't actually suggest)? How dare she strut her wealthy, successful self onto the cover of Time magazine and pretend she has the answers? Gloria Steinem came out shortly thereafter in support of Sandberg, and said this to the critics: "Even its critics are making a deep if inadvertent point: Only in women is success viewed as a barrier to giving advice."
So why are we women thwarting other women?
I wish I could offer an insightful and intelligent exploration into this, but I fear this post is strictly observation. But I fear the downfall of women in this society might not be, as we popularly suggest, the oppression from males, but rather our own inadvertent self-flagellation.
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