We are weaned. I thought about posting this emotionally-conflicting news to Facebook, but decided I was neither prepared, nor in the mood to deal with the ignorant comments about Bryony having breastfed as long as she did. So instead, I'll divulge the news, and my feelings about it here on my tiny blog.
I've been wanting to wean Bryony for the last few months. In fact, I had decided that once Adam was back in town I would pretty much cut her off cold turkey. But a) I'm weak, b) life happens, c) she's cute, and d) I'm weak. Everytime I'd tell myself I was ready to have my body back, I gave in to the early morning whimpers and tears and let her nurse to her heart's content. Then, three things happened: 1) We went to New York City to see Adam's family; I came home a day earlier than Adam and Bryony, and he said that she didn't ask for milk at all in the day we were apart, 2) I had started to notice that she didn't always remember to ask to nurse in the mornings, and when she did she only suckled for 2-3 minutes, 3) Adam and I have made the decision to try for baby #2, so nursing could play a factor in my inability (thus far) to get pregnant.
So, weaning. I kind of just decided one morning that she wasn't going to nurse anymore. I felt bad about it, because I had only had an informal chat with her about not nursing anymore, but I had heard that it's good to really talk these things out so they understand. Well, she cried--hard--but we cuddled and snuggled and she calmed down. And so has been the case in the last week. Every morning she wakes up asking for it: "
I want muhlk! I want to drink it!" and every morning I deflect her attention to something else, be it silly imitations of her demanding milk (which makes her laugh) or her favorite cartoons on TV. So far, no major meltdowns. Which is probably a good indication that she is ready to wean.
My feelings? It's a mixed bag. I have been SO ready to have my body back, wholly and completely. It could get really annoying trying to sleep in on a Saturday morning while a little person is sucking intently on your nipple. Not to mention the fact that my milk supply has subsided enough in the last year that all my nursing bras are too too big. I needed some good-fitting bras but wanted to be done with nursing so I could purchase regular ones instead of those with the handy nursing flap. On the other hand, now that we are actually on the other end of the weaning process my heart aches a little bit for the baby girl who bonded so quickly and closely with me each time we breastfed. It hurts my heart to think that I'm experiencing the first in a long series of her detachments from me until the final "leaving the nest" occurs. It's a tough thing, letting your baby move on, even just a little bit.
So I find that I'm kissing her and squeezing her more than ever, which I thought would annoy her. Instead, it seems as though she somehow recognizes the shift in dynamics and is fighting to find the balance again, too. Just when I feel like she's growing up too fast and forgetting all about her poor mama, she runs over, out of the blue, wraps her arms around me and squeezes. "
I love you, too, Mama!" she laughs before planting a big kiss on my cheek.
She hasn't gone anywhere.
